X-Mom Adventures: X-Mom vs Muscles


Dinner the other night felt like a boxing match between Milani and me…

Announcer: Weellllcome to the Battle of the Spaghetti!! In this corner standing at 3ft-nothing only when her hair is out, weighing in at 32 lbs, wearing the glittery pink shorts…Muuuussssccllllesss Miiiiiiillllani!!!

And in this corner, standing at 5’1″, weighing in at 107 if she hasn’t eaten breakfast, wearing the glittery turquoise shorts because Milani said she couldn’t wear pink because it’s HER favorite color…X-Mooommmmmm!!!

Enters referee: Okay. I want a clean fight. No calling for Daddy and no threatening to call Santa on your cell. Touch gloves.

Ryu giphy

Me: Milani, I didn’t have spaghetti noodles, so I had to use a different kind, but it’s still spaghetti. Go ahead and try it. I already knew what was coming, so I tried to head it off.
Milani: (taking one look at it and 3, 2, 1…) Nooo!! I want spaghetti!
Milani: (still wailing) No it’s not!
Me: Just try it! Eat it! I’m not fixing anything else! Eat it!
Milani: No! I want spaghetti!

This exchange went on for a bit.

Commentator 1: X-Mom’s got to change her strategy–uh, oh. Looks like she’s losing her patience. Muscles, better watch out!
Commentator 2: You’re right. X-Mom looks like she’s going into fireball mode. Muscles needs to either get her gloves up or turn on the cuteness.
Commentator 1: Yeah, but you know that usually doesn’t work on X-Mom. Okay, X-Mom has a look on her face…is she coming up with a plan?
Commentator 2: X-Mom needs to be quick-witted because we all know Muscles is a thinker.

Me: Do you want me to show you the box?

Commentator 2: Uhh…not sure where X-Mom is going with this…

Me: (showing her the box) See, it’s just a different noodle–that’s all.
Milani: No. I don’t want it.

Commentator 1: Oh. Weak move by X-Mom!
Commentator 2: Yeah, she needs to be quicker than that with Muscles. But, wait…looks like she’s trying something else…

Me: Do you want me to put some cheese on it?

Commentator 2: Oh! Good move. Muscles loves cheese.
Commentator 1: Yeah, I don’t know if it was intentional, but it just may work!

Milani: (perking up and shaking her head) Yes! Can I put the cheese on it?!
Me: Okay, but try some first. I put the spoon in her mouth.
Ohh…it IS spaghetti!! I turn to get the cheese and she stops me. Mommy, can I see the box, please? I hand it to her. Ohh! It’s a different noodle. It’s spaghetti, Mommy.

Commentator 2: Looks like this round goes to X-Mom.

Five minutes later she’s stuffing her face and happily swinging her legs under the table as if nothing happened while I’m trying my BEST not to take a victory lap around the room.

Me: (nodding at the box of noodles) The noodles are called Penne, Milani. She takes one look at the box and gives me this:

 Amy Poehler
Yep, should’ve quit while I was ahead.

 Crystal Blake Signature 


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comment *